It was the third week of January several years ago. I had just finished a presentation about steps to initiate a healthier, more resilient lifestyle. The main points I addressed were those my colleague Sam Goldstein and I emphasized in our book The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and Personal Strength in Your Life. I highlighted the power of “negative scripts” that represent obstacles to achieving desired changes in our lives. As the words “negative scripts” suggest, these represent thoughts and behaviors to which we rigidly adhere, even when these scripts prove to be counterproductive or self-defeating. When negative scripts involve other people, we are likely to believe that it’s the responsibility of others to change first, not us. In these scenarios, it’s as if we are actors in a play, unable to deviate from what we say and do. There are many everyday examples of negative scripts, including the following: I saw Paul in therapy. He was having difficulty in his managerial role. He asserted, “My staff knows what’s expected of them and if they don’t do it, they will hear from me.” When I asked Paul if they hear from him when they do perform well, he…

In last month’s article I cited interviews conducted with United States citizens prior to the presidential election. The people interviewed, some planning to vote for Kamala Harris and others for Donald Trump, voiced a similar concern: if their candidate lost, our country would rapidly deteriorate and not be a place where they wished to live. I noted that while some U.S. citizens also held similar feelings prior to the 2016 and 2020 elections, the intensification of divisiveness, anxiety, and anger during the past eight years had fueled an ever-increasing desperate perspective about the election’s outcome. I do not know if those who voted for Harris hastened their plans to leave the country or are waiting to see what happens when Trump assumes the presidency next month. I know that some are concerned about his choices for cabinet and advisory roles. This concern was heightened when a lawyer for Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Trump’s choice for Health Secretary, asked the F.D.A. to revoke approval of the polio vaccine, a vaccine that has basically eradicated polio worldwide. When asked, Kennedy replied that he was “all for” the vaccine. I decided to write last month’s article at the suggestion of several people who…

A couple of weeks before the 2024 presidential election, I read an article about citizens of the United States who planned to move out of the country based on the election results. The people interviewed, some planning to vote for Kamala Harris and others for Donald Trump, voiced a similar concern: if their candidate lost, our country would rapidly deteriorate and not be a place where they wanted to live. While some U.S. citizens also held similar feelings before the 2016 and 2020 elections, the intensification of divisiveness, anxiety, and anger during the past eight years has fueled an ever-increasing desperate perspective about the election’s outcome. Within a day of Trump’s victory, I heard from people who had voted for Harris and expressed their sadness and notable anxiety about the future. I also read interviews with Harris supporters. Some specifically referred to their concerns for vulnerable groups that were singled out during the campaign, including undocumented immigrants and members of the LGBTQ+ community. Others referred to the loss of reproductive rights for women, not only abortion but the curtailment of in vitro fertilization (IVF). Fears of increased racism and polarization were expressed. Some of those who contacted me suggested I…

Those who have read my articles or books are aware that during my career I have shifted from an intervention to a prevention perspective. My recent April and May 2024 columns were devoted to the important lesson housed in the Upstream Parable: it is far more effective to devote our time and energy to identifying and addressing the causes of a problem upstream than constantly and frantically attempting to cope with the problem once it has intensified downstream. The benefits of adopting a prevention approach may seem obvious, but it is not always easy to achieve. In the upstream parable articles I described from personal experience how we (or an entire organization) can become captive to a downstream outlook, constantly expending an inordinate amount of time and energy putting out an existing conflagration rather than preventing the fire from emerging or intensifying. It is difficult to implement a prevention model when all of our efforts are directed at containing the existing fires. A focus on events occurring upstream invites the question, “What can we do upstream to lessen or eliminate a problem from arising or strengthening?” In applying this question to the concept of resilience, we can ask, “What steps…

This month’s article has been co-authored with my friend and colleague Dr. Sam Goldstein. It was prompted by our next scheduled appearance on the parent webinar series ParentEd Talks, sponsored by ParentMap. The webinar, which is titled “The Lost Art of Civility: Raising Respectful Kids,” will be broadcast live on Tuesday, February 25, 2025, from 4:00-5:00 p.m. ET A Parable Two farmers, Ben and Luke, resided in a village nestled amidst undulating hills. Ben’s demeanor, with his fiery temper and cutting remarks, was strikingly different from Luke’s, who was known for his serene disposition and gentle speech. One spring, both farmers planted their crops. Impatient and irritable, Ben often lashed out at his workers, many of whom lived close by. He believed that strictness and harshness would motivate his employees and yield better results for his crops. Luke’s approach was noticeably different. He always spoke with respect and gratitude, encouraging those around him with his gentle words. As the season progressed, the effects of Ben’s harshness became evident. His workers became increasingly disheartened, anxious, and careless as they struggled under his constant criticism. Weeds grew unchecked, and the crops began to wither. In contrast, Luke’s workers, inspired by his civility…

As I’ve noted in my previous June articles, this will be my last column until September. I want to express my gratitude for the many comments, questions, and insights provided by my readers. Your feedback is always welcome and has served as a resource for the topics I have selected for future articles. I posted my first website article 25 years ago in 1999, I believe within a year of my website going on-line. At that time, the web was basically in its beginning stages and most of my mental health colleagues did not have a website. That situation was certainly to change! My decision to launch a website was greatly influenced by my older son Rich who had founded a website development agency in 1997. His company, flyte new media, is based in Portland, ME with clients throughout the U.S. and beyond. The company has grown considerably since those early years. Their expansion, including the increased number of staff they have, clients they serve, and services they offer as a “full service digital marketing and web design + development agency,” reflects the exponential growth of the internet since 1997 and how it has become an integral part of our…

In last month’s article I described the Upstream Parable. A main lesson to be learned from this parable is that it is far more effective to devote our time and energy identifying and addressing the causes of a problem upstream than constantly and frantically attempting to cope with the consequences of the problem downstream. The benefits of a shift from a reactive, crisis intervention approach to a proactive, crisis prevention framework may seem obvious. However, many individuals and organizations become so overwhelmed extinguishing one fire after another downstream that adopting an upstream perspective is not even on their radar. Last month I shared how I and my staff at McLean Hospital embraced a self-defeating, negative script that perpetuated the problems we had with our patients. As my colleague Sam Goldstein and I observed in our book The Power of Resilience, while many people and organizations recognize that what they are doing is ineffective or counterproductive, negative scripts persist. I’ve been asked, “Why are negative scripts so prevalent? Why do they continue even when we are aware that what we are doing is not working?” The answers may differ from one person to the next. One major reason is found when…

Many of you may have heard or read about the lessons embedded in the Upstream Parable (sometimes called the River Story) without knowing the title it has been given. Sometimes there are different variations of the parable’s narrative, although the primary message remains the same. Some have attributed the story to Saul Alinsky, a political activist, or Irving Zola, a medical sociologist at Brandeis University. Others have asserted that it received its greatest audience through a publication authored in 1975 by John McKinlay, a medical sociologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School and a friend of Zola. McKinlay applied the lessons of the parable to the healthcare system. His article was reprinted in 2019 and has been recognized as a classic. One popular version of the story is that several people in a village were walking along the river’s edge when they heard a child scream for help. The child was caught in the current. They rescued the child and soon they heard the cries of another child, also caught in the current. Within several minutes they saved other children. The next day they rescued more children who were in the same predicament. As another child was screaming…

I planned to write my March column the weekend of March 16. I had already selected a topic: the impact of loneliness on one’s physical and emotional well-being and the importance of having a supportive community to provide a sense of belonging and connectedness as an antidote to loneliness. For me, there is not one set definition of the make-up of a community. As examples, it can include just a few friends or family, a place of worship, individuals with similar jobs or in the same workplace, or people volunteering for a particular cause or charity. The topic of loneliness is one I have described in past writings, including my February, 2018 article, and several articles composed during the pandemic. I decided to address the theme of loneliness again given recent research highlighting its ongoing deleterious effect. In my February, 2018 piece, I quoted Dr. Vivek Murthy, a former U.S. Surgeon General, who expressed that loneliness represented a major health issue, including an increased risk for cardiovascular and chronic illnesses. He posited that the effect of loneliness on our health was similar to “smoking 15 cigarettes a day.” The Passing of a Brother I had no idea when I first…

In the early 1960s a group of psychology students at the University of North Dakota were asked to assist with an experiment involving lab rats. Six of the students were told that their rats had been bred for brightness in running the maze, while the other six students were informed that their rats could be expected for “genetic reasons” to have limitations to learning to run the maze. This distinction was highlighted by labeling rats in one cage as “maze-bright,” while the other cage bore the label “maze-dull.” In fact, none of the rats had been trained to traverse a maze and had been randomly assigned to either of the two cages. This study at the University of North Dakota and those that followed at Harvard University were conducted by renowned social psychologist Robert Rosenthal. I have been thinking about Rosenthal’s contributions to the field of psychology during the past several weeks since learning of his death at the age of 90 at the beginning of January, 2024. I have cited this study in a number of my presentations, emphasizing, “These are rats! None had received special training in running mazes—I’m not even certain what special training would encompass. The…