Mr. Jerry Mannato was my sixth-grade teacher at P.S. 48 in Brooklyn, New York. I’ve often referred to him in my presentations for educators. If there were a Mt. Rushmore for teachers, Mr. Mannato would be on mine. I had many wonderful teachers as I went through the New York City Public School System, and he was one of the most influential. Little did I realize while I was attending his class that years later I would incorporate attributes he modeled in the strength-based, resilience approach I adopted. A little background is in order. My fifth-grade teacher was the polar opposite of Mr. Mannato. She always seemed angry. Her classroom was punctuated by negativity. She focused on telling students what they did wrong rather than on applauding their strengths. I had the strong belief that she didn’t like teaching nor was she fond of her students. On a few occasions as I was struggling to complete a task, rather than encouraging me she would exhort me to use my brains—certainly a very judgmental comment. In my presentations I half-jokingly (perhaps, not so jokingly) inform the audience that I won’t say her name since I’m fearful if I do, she might…

Last month, I discussed maintaining realistic hope and optimism during challenging times marked by war, divisiveness, mistrust, and anger. This situation, fueled by the ongoing Hamas-Israeli conflict and its many ramifications, has continued unabated, leading some to question if a sense of optimism is warranted in the midst of such dire conditions. In that column I referred to Admiral James Stockdale, a Prisoner of War in Vietnam for more than seven years who was subjected to repeated torture. Stockdale identified the POWs who fared most poorly in captivity as “optimists,” as the ones who “died of a broken heart” as their dreams of coming home in the near future were repeatedly denied. I emphasized that from my perspective Stockdale was referring to “unrealistic” rather than “realistic” optimists. I cited the work of Heidi Grant, a social psychologist at Columbia University, who, in an article titled “Be an Optimist without Being a Fool” that was posted on hbr.org wrote, “Realistic optimists believe they will succeed, but also believe they have to make success happen—through things like effort, careful planning, persistence, and choosing the right strategies. They recognize the need for giving serious thought to how they will deal with obstacles. This…

On October 3 of this year, my friend and colleague Sam Goldstein and I sent out and posted a jointly written article on our respective websites. We outlined what we considered to be 10 realistic reasons for being optimistic in a world filled with very divisive local and global issues, including but not limited to social and economic inequality, xenophobia, mass shootings that seem to be taking place on a daily basis, climate change, and geopolitical tensions. We used the word “realistic” to capture our belief that all 10 factors were achievable and not rooted in an unrealistic, Pollyanna outlook fueled by a positivity bias. I was pleased to receive a number of complimentary remarks in response to the article. Several readers wrote that with all of the negativity and mistrust in the world they welcomed our focus on factors that provided a sense of hope rather than despair for the future. At an in-person talk I gave, a man told me how much he appreciated the article, explaining, “Most newspapers or TV news shows are dominated by accounts of what’s wrong with the world. It’s easy to forget what’s good about the world and what each of us can…

Last month, my friend and co-author Dr. Sam Goldstein and I wrote about five qualities that make us uniquely human. We offered these as an extension of the ideas we proposed in our recent book, Tenacity in Children. This prompted us to think about how these qualities might define reasons for all of us to be at least somewhat optimistic about our future despite the seeming divisiveness and chaos that are all too prevalent in our world. As we traverse through the challenges and uncertainties of the modern era, it is very easy for despair and pessimism to dominate our outlook. Global issues such as climate change, social and economic inequality, and geopolitical tensions cast a shadow on our collective aspirations. To counter these negative forces and perspective, we believe it is more important than ever to identify realistic reasons for why hope and optimism will prevail in the future. In this month’s article, which we co-authored, Sam and I offer a closer examination of the progress humankind has made and the potential ahead to rekindle our optimism. We briefly describe what we consider to be ten compelling reasons, some of which overlap, to be optimistic about the future. It…

I hope that you’ve had an opportunity for relaxation and re-charging since my last article appeared in June. I’m aware, however, that some of my readers have experienced the impact of fires, tornadoes, flooding, and intense, unrelenting heat. My thoughts and prayers are with those who have lost loved ones, homes, and businesses as a result of these disasters. The Background for this Article This article is co-authored with my colleague and close friend Sam Goldstein. As many of you know, Sam and I have maintained a collaboration for more than 30 years. In our book Tenacity in Children: Nurturing the Seven Instincts for Lifetime Success, we describe details of this collaboration and the changes that have transpired since we first began our careers as psychologists, especially moving from a deficit to a strength-based model. During this lengthy and rich collaboration, we have spent hundreds of hours sharing ideas as we co-authored many book and book chapters. I was just beginning to consider a topic for this month’s article when Sam and I received a request from ParentMap, a group that has invited us for a third time to be interviewed for a podcast as part of their ParentEd Speakers…

How quickly this past year has gone by. It seems like such a short time ago that I wrote my June, 2022 column and noted that as has been my practice since I began to write my monthly articles in 1999, this would be my last column until September. As has also been my custom, I want to express appreciation to my readers for the comments, questions, and insights you have offered in response to the topics I have addressed. Receiving such feedback always adds meaning to my work and writings. **** I regularly post links on my social media platforms (Twitter; LinkedIn; Facebook) to articles I believe will be of interest to those who follow my work. In considering the main subjects about which I posted and/or described in my monthly articles during the past couple of years, I recognized that many highlighted the importance of engaging in realistic behaviors that strengthened our physical and emotional well-being. Some pieces extolled the benefits of regular exercise. Others examined the positive impact of acts of kindness and gratitude, not only on the recipients of these actions but also on those who initiated such behaviors. My use of the word realistic is…

Rabbi Harold Kushner died in Canton, Massachusetts on April 27, 2023 at the age of 88. Author of 14 books, several of which became bestsellers, he is best known for When Bad Things Happen to Good People, published in 1981. It was translated into at least a dozen languages and has sold millions of copies. As many are aware, the catalyst for Rabbi Kushner writing this book was the death of his son Aaron, two days after he turned fourteen in 1977. When Aaron was three years old, Rabbi Kushner’s wife Suzette gave birth to their daughter Ariel. At that time, they had been concerned about their son’s development since he stopped gaining weight when he was eight months old and his hair began to fall out after he reached his first birthday. On the day of Ariel’s birth, they were devastated to learn that Aaron was given a diagnosis of progeria (rapid aging), described by his pediatrician as a condition from which he “would never grow much beyond three feet in height, would look like a little old man while he was a child, and would die in his early teens.” Among the many books that have had a…

In last month’s article I highlighted the significance of positive, supportive relationships in helping people cope more effectively in the face of natural or man-made disasters or other adversities. In addition, I emphasized that accentuating the impact of positive connections during times of disaster should not be interpreted to imply that a prime purpose for nurturing such relationships is to be better prepared to handle emotional turmoil in the face of catastrophic events. It certainly helps to be prepared for the possibility of major disruptions in our lives. However, as important, if not more so, is the recognition that the existence of strong connections is associated with leading more satisfying, purposeful, resilient lives even during so-called “ordinary” times (especially in today’s world, “ordinary” is not equivalent to an absence of stress). As one example of the lifelong impact of positive relationships, I cited the ongoing, 85-year-old Harvard study that began in 1938 with 268 Harvard sophomore men (Harvard was an all-male school at that time, but the study has been expanded to include the spouses and children of these men as well as inner city groups). The fourth and current director of the study, psychiatrist Robert Waldinger at Harvard Medical…

I have frequently noted that a basic foundation for resilience is the presence of what the late psychologist Julius Segal called a “charismatic adult,” defined as an adult from whom children “gather strength.” In elaborating on Segal’s notion, I have emphasized that even in adulthood, we all need such people in our lives. Charismatic adults play a role in a wide spectrum of environments, including homes, schools, colleges, mental health agencies, businesses, financial settings, and law firms to name several. I have written about the healing power of supportive relationships following catastrophic events such as the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Hurricane Katrina, and more recently, the pandemic. In addition, when describing the dire emotional and physical consequences of loneliness, I have positioned positive relationships as an antidote to these consequences. Given my interest in the power of positive connections, I was drawn to an article posted on theconversation.com website titled “Disaster Survivors Need Help Remaining Connected with Friends and Families—and Access to Mental Health Care.” The piece was co-authored by Daniel Aldrich, Professor of Political Science, Public Policy and Urban Affairs and Director, Security and Resilience Program at Northeastern University in Boston, and Yunus Emre Tapan, a doctoral student in Political Science…

I began writing a monthly article to be posted on my website 24 years ago. As any long-time readers can attest, there are several themes that I continue to address. I consider them to be “timeless,” as significant now as they were decades ago. While they may be influenced by current events, their basic principles remain steadfast. As one example, I have been writing about nurturing resilience in ourselves and others (children, students, patients, employees) for more than 35 years. During that time, noteworthy situations have emerged that impact significantly on our daily lives, including the growth of the internet, the occurrence of terrorist attacks such as 9/11, and the presence of the coronavirus with its many ramifications. Yet, the components of a “resilient mindset” and strategies for promoting a resilient lifestyle that my colleague Sam Goldstein and I described more than 20 years ago in our books Raising Resilient Children and The Power of Resilience (the latter examines resilience in our adult lives into our senior years) remain the same. If anything, while the specific guideposts and techniques we proposed to reinforce resilience have not changed, their application has assumed greater urgency. This is evident in the well-documented increase…