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Our Workplace: Psychologically Safe or Harmful?Robert Brooks, Ph.D.

I began writing a monthly article to be posted on my website 24 years ago. As any long-time readers can attest, there are several themes that I continue to address. I consider them to be “timeless,” as significant now as they were decades ago. While they may be influenced by current events, their basic principles remain steadfast. As one example, I have been writing about nurturing resilience in ourselves and others (children, students, patients, employees) for more than 35 years. During that time, noteworthy situations have emerged that impact significantly on our daily lives, including the growth of the internet, the occurrence of terrorist attacks such as 9/11, and the presence of the coronavirus with its many ramifications. Yet, the components of a “resilient mindset” and strategies for promoting a resilient lifestyle that my colleague Sam Goldstein and I described more than 20 years ago in our books Raising Resilient Children and The Power of Resilience (the latter examines resilience in our adult lives into our senior years) remain the same. If anything, while the specific guideposts and techniques we proposed to reinforce resilience have not changed, their application has assumed greater urgency. This is evident in the well-documented increase

The Power of Awe: Some Updated ThoughtsRobert Brooks, Ph.D.

In 2017 I wrote about the power of awe. I cited an article authored by Dacher Keltner, a psychologist on the faculty of the University of California at Berkeley, in which he referred to his research that indicated our physical and emotional well-being can be enhanced if we “looked for more daily experiences of awe.” Keltner defined awe as “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends our understanding of the world.” He added, “Early in human history, awe was reserved for feelings towards divine beings, like the spirits that Greek families believed were guarding over their fates.” Keltner added, “Most frequently, though, people report feeling awe in response to more mundane things: when seeing the leaves of a Gingko tree change from green to yellow, in beholding the night sky when camping near a river, in seeing a stranger give their food to a homeless person, in seeing their child laugh just like their brother.” In the 2017 article, I described an expanding body of research that revealed the ways in which a sense of awe contributed to feelings of connectedness, altruism, and happiness while lessening anxiety and depression. Jennifer Stellar, a psychologist at the

Unexpected Gestures: Memorable ExperiencesRobert Brooks, Ph.D.

When was the last time a small, unexpected gesture on someone’s part lifted your spirits and helped you feel appreciated?  What did the gesture entail? Or when was the last time you provided an unexpected gesture that enriched the life of another person?  What was the gesture? I use the word “unexpected” since I’ve found that actions undertaken by others that are not anticipated often have more of an impact than interactions we expect.  The element of surprise appears to contribute to this effect; however, this view should not be interpreted to minimize the influence that even expected behaviors have on us and on others. I raised the questions above as part of my long-term interest in examining the significance that expressions of kindness and gratitude have in our personal and professional relationships.  As many of my readers are aware, I have described the ways in which even seemingly small positive gestures, which have been labeled “microaffirmations,” can serve as a catalyst for creating pleasant and constructive situations.  As two examples, my September 2018 website article highlighted the notable benefits of microaffirmations in both school and work settings, while my September 2019 article detailed the ways in which Positive Greetings

Do We Underestimate the Impact of Acts of Kindness?Robert Brooks, Ph.D.

I’ve written a number of articles about the impact of kindness in our personal and professional lives, most recently in a two-part series posted in November 2020 and December 2020. The focus of these two columns was the ways in which kindness served as an invaluable attribute of effective leaders. In my November 2018 article, I examined the role of kindness in the school setting. Just last month I returned to another one of my favorite themes that resonates with acts of kindness, namely, engaging in what I call “contributory” or “charitable” activities. In my articles about leadership and kindness I cited several resources, including a blog by psychiatrist Eva Ritvo that was posted on the Psychology Today website and titled “Can Being Kind Make You a Better Boss?.” In answering this question Ritvo wrote, “Kind bosses have been shown to increase morale, decrease absenteeism, and retain employees longer. Kind bosses may even prolong the lives of their employees by decreasing their stress levels which improves cardiovascular health.” In contrast, in my clinical activities and consultations I have heard firsthand accounts of the significant toll that a negative, bullying boss can have on our physical and emotional well-being. My December

To Reward or Not to Reward?Robert Brooks, Ph.D.

As many of my readers are aware, a strategy that I have long advocated for nurturing resilience in both children and adults involves being engaged in activities that enrich the lives of others—activities that I have labeled “contributory” or “charitable.” I first wrote about the impact of these activities 40 years ago after I reviewed answers to a questionnaire that I distributed to approximately 1,500 adults of different ages. One question requested respondents to describe a favorite memory of school that included something a teacher or other adult said or did—an experience that increased their confidence, self-worth, and intrinsic motivation. A second question asked them to recall an experience that lessened these positive attributes. I was intrigued to find that for many people a very positive memory of school was when they were asked to help in some fashion. The following are a sample of responses that captured this theme: “As a first-grade student, I had the responsibility of raising and lowering the coat closet doors because I was one of the taller boys in the class. This made me feel so good as I was so self-conscious about my height.” “In a one-room school, the teacher had me sit

“You Just Have to Try Harder and Show More Grit!”Robert Brooks, Ph.D.

I hope all of you had an opportunity for some relaxation and re-charging during the summer months. I’ve often devoted my September article to a school-related theme to coincide with the beginning of the new school year. This month’s column examines the ways in which teachers, parents, youth coaches, and other caregivers understand and respond to the seeming lack of motivation displayed by some children and adolescents. While its content most often focuses on students and the school environment, it has equal relevance for our home environments and other age groups and settings as well. A little background information is warranted. In my clinical practice and presentations, I have had the opportunity to interview children and adults diagnosed with LD (learning differences/disabilities) and/or ADHD (attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder). I have asked what they found most helpful when dealing with the challenges they faced and what they found least helpful. Most helpful typically involved the presence of supportive adults or what the late psychologist Julius Segal labeled “charismatic adults,” defined as adults from whom children and adolescents “gathered strength.” A frequent answer to what has been least helpful centered around remarks expressed by adults that were perceived as accusatory or judgmental. One

How Do I Prepare Others for what I Want to Say? – Part IIIRobert Brooks, Ph.D.

As I have noted in previous June articles, this will be my last column until September.  Once again, I would like to express my appreciation for the comments, questions, and insights offered by my readers during the past year. I always welcome your feedback as I attempt to share my thoughts about a variety of different topics that I believe will be of interest to my readers. *   *   *   * My April article and May article focused on the importance of “preparing” others for our communications. This preparation is especially challenging when we sense they will strongly disagree with our message and even respond in an angry and/or defensive manner. Last month I described the words I would have used to “confront” a teenager in a residential treatment program about his provocative behavior. In this column, I will return to several other vignettes offered in my April article and suggest ways in which I would respond in each situation. Prior to considering these vignettes, it might be helpful to consider the beliefs I outlined in my May column that can serve as obstacles to effective communication, including the notion that there is only one “right” way to say and

How Do I Prepare Others for What I Want to Say? – Part IIRobert Brooks, Ph.D.

My April article prompted responses from a number of readers. One common message was that they had faced situations similar to at least one of the scenarios I described and were eager to hear how I responded in the different situations. One reader wrote that she had heard me speak and had read several of my books and attempted to guess what I said in each vignette to “prepare” others to experience my message in an empathic, nonjudgmental way. As I reflected on the comments I received and as I was writing this article, I realized that unless Part II was to be at least three or four pages longer than planned, I would have to divide it into two articles, adding a Part III next month. I decided to go with the latter option for two reasons. First, I wanted to explain in greater detail the rationale for the interventions I chose so that the actions I initiated would be more understandable. Second, based on questions that often arise during my presentations, I thought it advisable to identify beliefs that can serve as obstacles to effective change. Let’s look at these beliefs so that we might avoid the traps

How Do I Prepare Others for what I Want to Say? Part IRobert Brooks, Ph.D.

Many years ago I was providing an ongoing consultation with the staff at a residential treatment center. They worked with very challenging children and adolescents, many of whom were placed at the center given their impulsivity and angry outbursts. These outbursts often masked underlying anxiety and depression, emotions these youngsters were not able to label nor manage constructively. Over a number of months I developed what I considered to be a close, respectful working relationship with the staff. I was impressed with their openness in examining their feelings and thoughts when interacting with the children in their care. They were refreshingly non-defensive and communicated a willingness to consider new and different ways of handling the difficult behaviors exhibited by the residents. At one memorable meeting, a staff member (I will call him George) immediately asked if he could discuss a situation he had encountered a couple of days earlier. He reported that he had attempted to discuss with Ralph (also a pseudonym), a teenager in the program, the latter’s provocative behavior, especially as it impacted on younger children. Ralph steadfastly denied any wrongdoing, prompting George to provide more examples of the behaviors in question. Within just a minute or two

The Power of Rituals and TraditionsRobert Brooks, Ph.D.

A recent American Psychological Association report “Stress in America” noted that financial worries, including inflation, and the war in Ukraine have “piled on to a nation stuck in COVID-19 survival mode.” The report observed that the war has intensified fear and anxiety in the United States. As one reflection of these findings, I have received many comments and questions during this past month related to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Individuals, already feeling depressed and depleted by a pandemic that has now lasted more than two years and a seemingly endless divisiveness on so many levels, wonder how to cope with the new stress occasioned by what is transpiring in Ukraine. Parents question how best to discuss and explain the Ukrainian events with their children who are not easily shielded from news accounts and videos that vividly display the killing of civilians, the bombing of schools, hospitals, and theaters, and the anguish etched on the faces of mothers and children as they flee their country, leaving behind husbands and fathers who remain to defend their country. As I started to write this article, my initial intention was to suggest actions we might assume to manage this recent disturbing event. I

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