Last month, I discussed the research and writings of Shawn Achor and Arthur Brooks (no relation) on happiness and success. Both observed that although many believe our successes and achievements lead to happiness, it is actually happiness that creates the foundation for success.
Achor, referring to the question, “What came first, the chicken or the egg?” asserted that the belief that success leads to happiness is backwards, that research in neuroscience and positive psychology indicates that “happiness is the precursor to success, not really the result. And that happiness and optimism actually fuel performance and achievement.”
In a similar fashion, Brooks observed, “They first seek success and then assume that success will lead to happiness. But this reasoning is flawed. Chasing success has costs that can end up lowering happiness, as a dedicated, lonely workaholic can tell you.” Brooks added that this position did not imply you had to choose between success and happiness, that you can achieve both, but you had to reverse the order of the two concepts. “Instead of trying first to get success and hoping it leads to happiness, start by working on your happiness, which will enhance your success.”
In my October article, I posed the question, “If positive emotions are a major component of happiness, what actions can be initiated to create, reinforce, and sustain these emotions in ourselves and the daily settings in which we live?” I emphasized that in his research, Brooks “found that the most meaningful jobs—which bring the most happiness—tend to be those that are service-oriented.” He cautioned that the description of service-oriented not be confined to charitable organizations and that, while it’s more difficult in some professions to identify how they are service-oriented, it can be accomplished.
As another example of fostering positive emotions, I described the notable benefits of what are called Positive Greetings at the Door (PGDs), delivered by teachers to students as students entered the classroom. Research indicated that taking a few moments to greet students increased student engagement and decreased negative or disruptive behaviors. Teachers had more time to teach effectively since they weren’t distracted and exhausted by disciplinary problems. A sense of belonging created positive emotions and served as a strong antidote to feelings of disconnection and anger.
Questions to Consider
In many of my presentations, whether for parents, teachers, mental health professionals and trainees, lawyers, financial advisors, businesspeople, or individuals in leadership roles, I emphasize the importance of cultivating and maintaining positive emotions across the different areas of their lives. To facilitate a discussion on how best to achieve this, I pose specific questions related to positive emotions. While the exact phrasing of these questions may vary depending on the audience, their intent remains the same. Below are some sample questions I’ve asked during different presentations, each tailored to a specific audience. Consider how you might respond.
“When you were a child or teenager, what did one or two of your teachers say or do to create positive emotions in the classroom?”
“What impact did their actions have on you?”
“When you were growing up, what are a couple of memories you have of something your parents said or did that increased your happiness?”
“What impact did their actions have on you?”
“Do you use these memories to guide what you do with your students (children)?”
“As a teacher (parent), what do you specifically say or do to create positive emotions for your students (children)?”
“As a mental health trainee, what helped you to feel welcome during the first few days of your training experience?”
“What do you remember about your first day at your current workplace?”
“At work, what is an experience you had that made you feel very fortunate to be working there?”
“At work, what is an experience you had in which you didn’t feel welcome or that you belonged with your group?”
“If you are in a leadership position, what do you intentionally say or do to help your staff/employees feel a sense of belonging?”
Two points I wish to make about these questions. As noted earlier, they can be modified based on the settings and relationships (e.g., home or workplace; employer or employee; supervisor or trainee). In addition, if we wish to gain a more complete picture of different experiences, the words “positive emotions” can be replaced with “negative emotions,” and “happy” or “satisfied” with “unhappy” or “dissatisfied.”
Positive Emotions and SDT
I have thought deeply about these and similar questions and have been impressed by how many fall under the tenets of Self-Determination Theory (SDT), introduced by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. They suggest that when certain basic needs are met in any environment, people become more satisfied and motivated. One can infer that when this occurs, positive emotions will emerge.
As I have reported in past writings, the four basic needs identified by Deci and Ryan are: (a) a sense of belonging and connectedness, (b) a sense of autonomy and feeling that one’s views are valued, (c) an awareness that one’s competencies or what I call “islands of competence” are recognized and appreciated, and (d) a sense of purpose or meaning, that one’s activities are making a positive difference in the world.
In my presentations on SDT, the first need I emphasize is belonging and connectedness. I do this intentionally to highlight the power of relationships in shaping the emergence of both positive and negative emotions. Additionally, I explore how belongingness relates to the other three needs. Belongingness is strengthened by and, in turn, helps strengthen environments where people feel their input is invited and valued, their strengths are recognized, and they participate in meaningful activities. Focusing on the impact of relationships aligns with the finding that resilience is rooted in the presence of what the late psychologist Julius Segal called a “charismatic adult,” an adult from whom “children gathered strength.” We need such adults throughout our lives.
In his impressive book Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides, psychologist Geoffrey Cohen, a faculty member at Stanford University, described what happens when we feel we belong or don’t belong. His insights about belonging directly relate to the presence of positive or negative emotions. He wrote, “Research shows that when our sense of belonging is threatened even momentarily, we’re more likely to feel worse about ourselves, perform below our potential, behave impulsively, see others as hostile and lash out defensively when provoked.”
In contrast, Cohen observed, “Even fleeting experiences of belonging, such as glimpsing pictures of people who care about us, can have far-reaching benefits. They raise our sense of well-being and self-worth, improve our performance, lessen our defensiveness and hostility, increase our tolerance of outsiders, and make us more compassionate. We become more humane.”
Examples of Belonging and Positive Emotions
The following are several examples from my consultations and clinical experiences in which a sense of belonging is reinforced and, in the process, positive emotions are nurtured:
I saw a 10-year-old boy in therapy who had significant separation issues that contributed to his reluctance to go to school. He required a tutor to come to his house so that he could keep up with his class. Within two months, his anxieties were eased enough so that he was ready to return to school. However, due to his lengthy absence, another problem emerged, namely, his worries about transitioning back to school, feeling that he was “an outsider.” The principal, working with the child’s parents, selected what he described as an “empathic, popular” classmate to call the boy to say he and the class were looking forward to seeing him. He greeted the boy in the school lobby on his first day back, as did other students in the class. I spoke with my patient a couple of days after he returned to school and was impressed by how comfortable he felt.
I spoke with the CEO of a company who welcomed new employees during their first week by emphasizing the important role they played in reaching the company’s goals. He also shared that he encouraged their input on what they thought could improve their specific roles and the overall effectiveness of the company. One employee told me how much he appreciated what the CEO said and, most importantly, how the CEO valued the employees’ input.
I was the opening day speaker for a school district. Two things especially stood out. Each school’s staff had their own t-shirt with the school’s name on the front. As the Superintendent called out each school’s name, cheers erupted from that school. Also, as each school was recognized, the Superintendent introduced new staff, faculty, or administrators in that school, offering a brief, warm description. He also acknowledged people who had been in the district for five, ten, fifteen, or more years, accompanied by loud cheers from their colleagues. The Superintendent ran a few minutes over, and he apologized for taking some of my time. I told him that his introductions and recognitions were wonderful and illustrated points I was to make in my talk. Afterwards, when I had lunch with some of the faculty they told me how much they enjoyed working in the district.
I met a department manager of a company who sent notes of appreciation to his staff. He told me, “It’s a small thing, what you call a ‘micromoment,’ Bob, but it certainly produces the positive emotions that you emphasize.” His department was known for its effectiveness in producing new ideas and delivering important services.
These and numerous other experiences I’ve had support the belief advanced by Achor, Brooks, and other clinicians and researchers, namely, that happiness is a precursor to success. This is especially true when considering Achor’s definition of happiness, namely, “The experience of positive emotions—pleasure combined with deeper feelings of meaning and purpose.” I believe we are all capable, even in a small way, of helping to create positive emotions and enriching the world around us.
In ending this article, I am reminded of something Mister Rogers, a man I greatly admired, wrote:
The thing I remember best about successful people I’ve met all through the years is their obvious delight in what they’re doing, and it seems to have very little to do with worldly success. They just love what they’re doing, and they love it in front of others.
Positive emotions are “contagious,” lifting everyone up and helping them to be successful in their various pursuits.
I want to wish all of my American readers a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving holiday.